Overreacting

Yesterday, as I was typing the post below, I thought that I would post some recent pics of the boys around the house. As I went to our folder where we keep our pictures, I was stunned to find that the folders were - empty!

My stomach bottomed out. I just knew that we had lost our photos and that thought made me heartsick. I knew that Nicholas had been on the computer earlier, and that he had been on our account (I forgot to sign out of it). I began crying, even as I had some thought in the recesses of my mind that maybe my husband had backed them up. Maybe he had them copied onto his laptop. Some rational piece of my mind was telling myself that "come on, what are the odds that my 4 year old would delete them and I could find no trace file or anything". Yet the rest of me was sobbing over my long lost photos. My words to my dear 4 year old were definitely harsh - despite the fact that it was I that left the computer account open. After all, as I told him, he knew to ask before getting on the computer!

After a few minutes of this craziness, my rational side began to kick in again, and I called my husband to ask him what to do. When I explained to him the situation, he calmly replied "oh, the pictures, yeah I archived them yesterday. The folder was really full" (it was!).

Suddenly I am apologizing to my poor 4 year old, who I don't think ever figured out what the big deal was. I chastised myself for being so silly, especially when I didn't even have my facts straight to begin with.

There is definitely room for improvement in my "slow to anger" department!

Full of Surprises

I love living with little boys - you never know what you will find. Like, for instance, when you are pouring the laundry detergent into the wash, and out comes the tube of gold glitter that has been missing for a week.

Ready for Lent

I have never been one to "party down" the day before Ash Wednesday, but today I found out just how easily it can happen. First I wanted to celebrate the changing seasons with the boys. The big question was: should I have "Pancake Day" or "Fat Tuesday"? Indecisive as ever, I decided to do both!

This morning we made pancakes. As we regularly eat pancakes for breakfast, I decided to make them special by adding chocolate chips and whipped cream on top. Talk about dessert for breakfast! Next we read about the pancake races that take place in England (and Liberal, Kansas - near where my husband grew up!). We decided to have our own races (with the pancakes that I accidentally burned). What great fun! I will post pics when I download them from the camera.

After lunch, we made Mardi Gras masks for art. We read about the celebrations (and watched some TV footage of our own Galveston parade - lots of former Louisiana people here in the Houston area!). We also made a king cake for dessert after dinner. More sweets.

I finished up my Dr. Pepper as I will give up my addiction to the stuff for Lent (and hopefully longer since I will be on a roll). The only thing left in the house that would be tempting us tomorrow was the last bit of Blue Bell Fudge Brownie ice cream, so I am now removing that temptation from our house!

We are coming down off of our sugar high, and we are ready to enter the desert! Everything aside, I am really looking forward to a fantastic spiritual journey for our family during this Lenten season. We will borrow a lot of these ideas for our family prayer time - thanks for the link Danielle. We are ready...let our journey begin!

Future Science Teacher

Brennan shows Philip a picture of a skeleton in a science book

Brennan: See Philip. God makes the bones, and then He fits them onto us. Bones are important. They hold us up.

Openness to Life

One of the best things about the blogosphere is seeing how we are not alone in our struggles to live as Christ would have us to. Today, Rachel posted on something near and dear to my heart. You see, just a short time ago, I found myself talking to our parish priest, in tears over the exact same struggle that she describes today.

It had been a particularly trying week. The baby had started teething and was up several times a night again. Toddler was going through a mischievous streak and dumping anything and everything. Pre-K and Kindergartner couldn't seem to get along - with each other, with me - for anything! I was utterly overwhelmed. It was after that week that I found myself, in tears, telling our priest "I am so worried that right now, I would be upset if I were to find myself pregnant! How can I not be open to life? Does this mean that I am losing my trust in God to take care of us?".

Our wonderful priest just comforted me and explained how God doesn't want us to be overwhelmed. And while we may have both good and bad days (a bad week was the wrong time to be pronouncing judgement on our future family size!), we have to weigh them accordingly. If the bad days outweigh the good, then maybe that is God's way of saying "That's enough for now.".

The key of openness to life is the "for now" part. We will have moments that we are overwhelmed, but they will pass. As, Rachel states, that is the beauty of the Catholic church's teaching. God may not send us down a physical note saying "yes" or "no", but He may be using these moments to ever so gently relay a message to us. Not only an answer to our question of "should we have another child right now", but also a continual reminder that we need to rest in Him and let Him carry us through the rough times.

The other thing that my priest reminded me of is that God will provide emotionally as well as otherwise. Openness to life does not necessarily mean that our gut reactions will always be positive. It is how we allow our mindset to develop after that reaction that determines our openness. Do we dwell on our hurt feelings, or do we let go and allow God to reveal His plan? That is part of the struggle that openness to life entails.

I have to say that a few months later, things are better. Everything in family life ebbs and flows. It is this process that forces us to realize that we cannot do it alone, and that we need God in our lives every day. And I have never met Rachel, but she inspires me to think that for us, we too will be ready someday in the future to welcome another blessing into our lives, with the ongoing help of God's grace.

I'm trying not to take it too personally, but...

Jonathan cries every time that I try to sing to him. He has from day 1. I love to sing, and while I know that I am not going to be winning American Idol any time soon (far from it!), I can at least carry a tune.

I am a bit self conscious in front of peers as a singer. I come from a family of very talented singers - my Mom, and both brothers - and I have always felt that I took a bit more after my Dad's side of the family than my Mom's when it came to vocal talent. So when I taught music at an elementary school, I was thrilled that I could finally sing to my heart's content. After all, as long as I was on melody what did little kids care?

Once I had my own children, my insecurity melted away and I would pound out tunes anywhere and everywhere with my boys. Brennan loved it as a baby. I would sing lullabies every nap and bedtime. Sometimes, I nearly went hoarse! Nicholas is also a singer, and we would both sing together. As long as it was the song that he wanted to sing, he happily formed the other half of my duet. Philip was a fussy baby, but you could count on singing to almost always calm him down.

And then Jonathan arrived. The first time I tried to settle him down to sleep with a lullaby, he cried fiercely. Whenever he was fussy and I tried to sing to him, the intensity of his cry would pick up. Even if he is happy and I start to sing, he grunts, concerned. Now, maybe he just doesn't particularly care for music, except that Nicholas or Philip singing doesn't seem to bother him at all. So I am losing out to my 2 and 4 year olds.

I think that I am becoming a bit self conscious again!

Our First Valentine's Day

As my husband left for work this morning, I asked him if he would like anything special for dinner. His reply was "No, not really, but if you would like to have something that is fine". I chuckle, because while not romantic, this is truly "us". And I think back to our first Valentine's Day together, 12 years ago (is it really that long ago?).

I was 18, my husband 19 - we were really so young. We had met my first weekend up at Oklahoma State University. We had slowly became good friends (another story) and by November, had started dating (another story all together). As February rolled around, my good friend Kathy asked where Colin was taking me for Valentine's Day. "I don't know." I replied. "He hasn't said anything about it."

"Oh, he has something planned. Just wait." Kathy said. Yet as I came back from classes that February 14th, I hadn't heard a thing and Kathy said "well, then us girls will just go out to a movie tonight.". I agreed, but I must say that I was deeply disappointed - after all we had been going on dates for a few months and I was head over heels for him already. This was just the guy that I could envision marrying.

After talking to Kathy, I headed up to my dorm room and was reading a book when the phone rang at 4:00pm. Yep, it was Colin, and he asked if I was doing anything that night. I told him that the girls had talked of a movie, but nothing concrete, and so he said "well, I just thought that maybe we could go out to eat or something?". I replied "okay".

After heading back downstairs, I informed Kathy and she just smiled. "He had this planned all along." she said. (She knew Colin well, even back then!)

"Do you think so?" I asked, somewhat insecurely. "Absolutely" she replied.

At 6:30pm, Colin came to pick me up with a dozen roses. We went to a small restaurant called "The Gathering" on the outskirts of Stillwater, OK. Turns out, Colin didn't think to get reservations for Valentine's Day, and he didn't want to wait 45 minutes. So we drove several other places whose wait times were even longer. 40 minutes later, we ended up back at The Gathering to wait. We had a great time talking.

Once seated, we had the special - Chicken Cordon Bleu for Two. Each female was presented with a carnation, and a violinist walked around, serenading the couples. It was just lovely, and so romantic. I was very impressed. As we finished up our meal, Colin asked if I had enjoyed the night. "Oh yes!" I replied. I will never forget his response:

"Now, just don't expect this every Valentine's Day!".

Talk about turning on a romantic moment! I laugh now, because if you know Colin, this is him. He never played games, even at the beginning. What you see is what you get, and that is one of the things that I love about my husband.

Even so, our romantic evening was not yet over. We went back to my dorm to watch a movie. We caught the end of the late news, where they were discussing the multitude of marriage proposals that occur on Valentine's Day. With that, Colin got down on one knee, looked me straight in the eye and said "Michele, will you marry me?".

I was shocked - this was not at all what I expected! "Are you serious?" I asked. "Well, halfway" he said. My reply was "then, I halfway say yes.".

We then got into a deep discussion. We both felt that we would end up being married, but as we were a freshman and sophomore in college, both pursuing engineering degrees, we knew we had a long way to go. We also both felt that it was very likely that we would end up together, even that early on. I marvel at that now, as we were both so young. But I now see just how God has blessed us both, through good times and bad. I can chuckle at the past, knowing that it was just a step up to where we are today. And I look hopefully at our future together.

Truth be told, the next Valentine's Day found us together on the fifth floor of the school library, working on projects. How right he was with his seemingly unromantic comment, but you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. So that is why I can laugh at our lack of romantic plans for the evening, because that is us.

I wouldn't trade it for the world. Happy Valentine's Day, honey! I love you so much!

(And yes, we did trade gifts - he got his Hershey's kisses and I got a dozen BEAUTIFUL bright pink roses! Ahhh love!)

The Rabbit Trail

I have been reading lately about the Charlotte Mason method of education. As I have learned just what it entails, I have realized that this is somewhat the method that I have always preferred. I especially love the "rabbit trails" of learning - basically, introduce them to a topic, but if they start to take it into a different direction (due to interest or just plain curiosity) just let them run with it. I find that this happens often, especially in science, social studies, or literature.

I had planned on completing three booklets of Science works for Kids this year. Our first one, Learning About the Earth, was due to be completed by Christmas. Yet because of these wonderful Rabbit Trails, we just finished it up yesterday. It was so worth the added adventure - we explored volcanoes, discussed the planets much more in depth than was otherwise planned, and continued rock collecting/examining much longer than our curriculum allowed for. It was great!

Today we began Learning About Plants. I wanted this to coincide with our garden planting, and the timing will work out beautifully. Since we had a premature beginning to our Pumpkin Plant experiment, I decided to start off today examining the few dried seeds that are left, the seedlings, and the plants that have more mature leaves - one even has a flower bud! As the boys were looking at the plants, Nicholas made a fascinating discovery - a curious red and black bug. We began watching it and the boys questioned as to what type of bug it was. We couldn't find it after a limited computer search, so we went back to watching the mystery bug at work.

While watching this bug, Brennan made another discovery - a snail, making its way ever so slowly across the garden. Excitement bubbled over, as the boys retrieved the hands lens in order to watch this fascinating creature up close. We watched it move in and out of its shell, move slowly over soil and grass, and even "eating?" some soil. Its antennae were interesting, feeling out its surroundings. If Philip moved suddenly near the snail, it would pull itself into the shell. Then, it would send out those feelers again, seeing if the coast was clear. We ended up watching him for about an hour.

After that, we came inside to find out what they eat - pumpkin plants were on the list! Yikes! Yet what a wonder filled afternoon we had, courtesy of mister snail. It wasn't quite the lesson I had planned today, but it was well worth the deviation. We thank God for giving us wondrous creatures such as this snail to explore.

And we thank God for the curious workings of the "Rabbit Trail".

My Fairy Tale

Each morning, I read Fox News because I appreciate the way that they allow for both left and right sides of political arguments. It is also refreshing to see actual arguments versus catty "shrieking", which happens way too often in the world of political commentary. An article that caught my attention this morning was this article about the Anna Nicole tragedy, written by a rather left leaning blogger. And while I do not usually agree with what this particular writer has to say, I appreciate the actual attempt at debate.

Now I found myself in the unusual position that I could actually agree with this article about poor Anna Nicole. Well, almost. I actually agree that the poor young lady died tragically, and that it is a shame so many young girls actually look up to her as having a "fairy tale" life, with the money, physical beauty, and fame. However, I couldn't help but feel that this particular writer would instead have young girls look up to the new Harvard president (a first female in that occupation). I suspect that the writer might consider this president to have a "fairy tale" kind of life for these young girls to admire. And while she may be accomplished by others standards, I have to say that I don't particularly wish to have this president's life anymore than Anna Nicole's.

Don't get me wrong - she is accomplished. But as pointed out here by Feminine Genius, it seems that she is a part of that ever vocal minority that thinks many women who CHOOSE to give up professional careers to stay home and raise a family are wrong. She wants to offer financial incentives for women to stay in the workforce (as if it already isn't a financial incentive to have two incomes instead of one!). Her fairy tale seems to be that myth of "having it all".

Our family may go without some of the perks that others around us have. We may not live in a huge house with separate bedrooms for each child, drive a Lexus or BMW, and we may not wear top brand clothes. I may have days where frustrations and stress seem to multiply - doesn't everyone? But I believe that I am living my fairy tale life. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who provides well for us and thinks the world of me. I have 4 wonderful little boys who I am blessed to be able to teach, comfort, and care for 24 hours a day. It may be a lot of work, but it is definitely rewarding. And I see the gratitude in each face every single day.

This is what I always dreamed of doing. Sure I had teachers and friends who told me that I should be doing more, something more concrete, something utilizing my talents or my engineering degree. But the fact is that I am living out my fairy tale each and every day. And I am grateful, as I know so many women who desperately wish to be doing the same, but cannot because of financial hardships. So I thank God each day, that I get the opportunity to live out my dream, and I can pray that everyone may be able to say that they are doing the same!

Chocolatey Goodness

My husband and I share many things, but one thing we both share is a love for chocolate. Chocolate anything does not last long at our house, especially now that the boys are here in our lives, to share in our love of chocolate.

There is one subtle difference between my husband and myself on this issue. I fervently believe that milk chocolate, in all of its creamy goodness, is the only way to go. Colin, on the other hand, prefers the rich taste of dark chocolate. This actually works quite well, say when you purchase a bag of Hershey's miniatures - he gets the dark chocolate and I get the milk chocolate.

I decided to give Colin his little Valentine's Day treat this weekend - a bag of Hershey's Kisses Chocolate Truffle (wrapped in dark chocolate). I hadn't seen these before, and they screamed "Colin".

Normally seeing "dark chocolate" on the wrapper is plenty reason for me to keep away. But as I sat down at the computer this morning, the bag sat there. It called to me. I figured I could just try one. And now, I have quickly eaten half a dozen.
They are GOOD!

I better hide the rest of my husband's bag of candy - otherwise, there might not be any left by tonight! Of course, I could just go get another bag...

Sand

Our sandbox has been quite empty the past year. This is a much loved play spot for Brennan and Nicholas, but over time the sand gradually disappeared. Instead of refilling it, we built the playset and it was forgotten. Well, not entirely, every once in a while a boy would ask "when are we going to get more sand?" and Mom and Dad would brush by the question. You see, we know full well that while sand brings joy, sand also brings mess. Big mess.

Never the less, we didn't intend to hold out this long. So when Brennan's unit study on rocks required sand for examination and experimentation, we went ahead and filled the entire sandbox. We also moved it to the back of the yard (instead of by the back door) in hopes that not as much sand would be brought into the house on little feet and in clothes.

So today the oldest three boys are enjoying sand. Brennan has built pyramids so that the mummies have some place to live. Nicholas has built a snow man (with cute stick arms). And Philip has discovered the joy of filling pockets, pants, and hair with sand.

Philip can have his bath before dinner tonight, me thinks.

Housekeeping Meme

From Celeste
APRON:
I don't own one, otherwise I would wear it. I tend to get really messy in the kitchen!

BAKING:
Baking is one of my absolute favorite things to do. I love to bake anything and everything - fresh breads, cookies, cakes, pies, you name it! We bake cookies or brownies at least twice a week!

CLOTHESLINE – Y/N?:
No, and I don't think that I would want one. I love my modern appliances - I am kind of spoiled that way.

DONUTS – Have you ever made them?:
Yep, about once a month we make fresh donuts. I remember my Mom making them and how fun it was, so I try to let the boys watch. I am currently trying to get creative with different glazes.

EVERY DAY – One homemaking thing you do every day:
Run a load of laundry, load of dishes, and clean boys' bathroom toilet.

FREEZER – Do you have a separate deep freeze?:
No. This is something that I would really like to have.

GARBAGE DISPOSAL – Y/N?:
Oh yes! Like Celeste, I am also a disposal-aholic.

HANDBOOK – What is your favorite homemaking resource?:
I really like Flylady.

IRONING – Love it or hate it?:
I don't necessarily hate it, I just don't do it. I call it from lack of time. If I had infinte time available (HA HA) I probably wouldn't mind ironing.

JUNK DRAWER – Y/N? Where is it?:
In the kitchen, and it drives me nuts. I cannot ever find anything in it. I am currently looking at a practical solution to this area.

KITCHEN: Design & Decorating?:
When it is as clean as I like it, I call the decorating style casual/traditional. Warm colors (with an accent of bright yellow/blue) and clean lines.

LOVE: What is your favorite part of homemaking?:
Cooking.

MOP - Y/N?:
I try, but this usually only happens once a month. I wish I could get it up to once a week - it needs it!

NYLONS - Wash by hand or in the washing machine?:
This is really bad - I never wear the same pair twice. I have even bought expensive "no run" nylons, only to have then still rip the first wear. So I buy a bunch of cheap ones, don't wear them too often, and if they rip (usually the case!) I throw them out.

OVEN - Do you use the window, or open the door to check?:
I use the window.

PIZZA - What do you put on yours?:
Everything but sausage. My dislike of pizza sausage comes from my own Mom.

QUIET - What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment?:
Read, or get on the computer. If in the evening, I love untimed baths!

RECIPE CARD BOX - Y/N?:
Yep, it has all of my favorites!

HOUSE STYLE:
The surveyor classified it as contemporary architecture. The inside is a bright open floor plan with lots of windows.

TABLECLOTHS AND NAPKINS - Y/N?:
I used to, until the boys were old enough to keep them piled on the floor instead of on the table. I gave them up, but hope to return to them someday. We do use them for nice dinners and holidays.

UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK - Organized or toxic wasteland?:
Absolute mess!

VACUUM - How many times per week?:
Once a week. I really should more with jonathan ready to crawl, but he is scared to death of the vacuum, so I can only endure the screaming fit once a week.

WASH - How many loads of laundry do you do a week?:
We are up to 8, even with our super capacity washer.

X's - Do you keep a daily list of things to do and cross them off?:
All in my head.

YARD - Who does what?:
Colin does all of the lawn work. I do all of the garden and flower beds/weeding.

ZZZZ's - What is your last housekeeping task for the day?
I put the dinner leftovers away and if I fold clothes that day (I should every day, but I don't always), this is when it gets done.

I tag Kris

The Hazards of Showering

As the older boys have become too big to bathe all together, we have split bathing times. In the morning Nicholas takes a shower while I get Philip and Jonathan dressed and Brennan gets started on schoolwork. He takes his in the boys bathroom with the door open, so I can keep an eye on him as I help Brennan and dress little ones. He may have to start closing the door, however...

This morning as Nicholas was bathing and I was helping Brennan, Philip felt the need to use the toilet. Now I am proud that he is able and willing to go all by himself (what a big boy!) but that also means that he can do so without my noticing. This is a problem when he decides to use the toilet in the same bathroom where Nicholas is showering. You see, Philip is very good (the best of the boys so far!) at remembering to flush, at which Nicholas was subjected to suddenly very cold, then suddenly very hot water. Of course Nicholas, stunned by this turn of events, felt the need to overreact and while screaming, bit his tongue.

After this we closed the door, and I reminded Philip to use the other bathroom. I have not wanted the door closed because I was concerned about the water factor. I have never really heard an age at which you can leave them bathing unattended. This is a shower, not a bath, and Nicholas is almost 5, so with a momentary check in I may be able to become comfortable with this. And it may be a great time to start discussing the need for privacy with the oldest two.

Confessions Continued...

I am one who likes to make food from scratch. After all, homemade food (versus processed) are cheaper, better for you, and much tastier. They also take a lot more time to prepare, something that is in short supply now a days.

With this in mind, I picked up a couple of items at the grocery store last week to be used when time was short. Last night, I looked up at the clock - it was 5:15 - dinner was not yet started. My husband had class, so he needed to eat on time, and I have vowed off of eating out. This was my moment!

I put frozen breaded chicken in the oven, mixed INSTANT mashed potatoes (a first!), steamed frozen broccoli, and made canned biscuits. Dinner was done rather quickly.

The real laugh came when we sat down to eat. My 4 year old (aka "picky eater") took one bite of the instant mashed potatoes and immediately asked for more. He commented that "it was yummy!". All of the boys ate well. It was then that I recalled a memory from my own childhood.

My Mom would make instant potatoes and I loved them. I dreaded her making real mashed potatoes. I remember her getting so frustrated, saying "but real ones are better!". I would insist that this was just not so. I now know that her frustration also probably stemmed from the fact that real ones are a lot more work, and she thought she was doing something nice by making them!

My dear 4 year old is so much like me when I was a child!

Weather and Theology

Brennan, looking out window while reading: Mom, why didn't the sun come up today?

Me: Actually, it did. There are just a lot of clouds today, and they are covering the sun up, making it darker.

Brennan: But God can't do that!

Me: Yes, He can. He can do whatever He wants - we don't get a lot of say.

Brennan: Well, I wish He wouldn't do that!