Openness to Life

One of the best things about the blogosphere is seeing how we are not alone in our struggles to live as Christ would have us to. Today, Rachel posted on something near and dear to my heart. You see, just a short time ago, I found myself talking to our parish priest, in tears over the exact same struggle that she describes today.

It had been a particularly trying week. The baby had started teething and was up several times a night again. Toddler was going through a mischievous streak and dumping anything and everything. Pre-K and Kindergartner couldn't seem to get along - with each other, with me - for anything! I was utterly overwhelmed. It was after that week that I found myself, in tears, telling our priest "I am so worried that right now, I would be upset if I were to find myself pregnant! How can I not be open to life? Does this mean that I am losing my trust in God to take care of us?".

Our wonderful priest just comforted me and explained how God doesn't want us to be overwhelmed. And while we may have both good and bad days (a bad week was the wrong time to be pronouncing judgement on our future family size!), we have to weigh them accordingly. If the bad days outweigh the good, then maybe that is God's way of saying "That's enough for now.".

The key of openness to life is the "for now" part. We will have moments that we are overwhelmed, but they will pass. As, Rachel states, that is the beauty of the Catholic church's teaching. God may not send us down a physical note saying "yes" or "no", but He may be using these moments to ever so gently relay a message to us. Not only an answer to our question of "should we have another child right now", but also a continual reminder that we need to rest in Him and let Him carry us through the rough times.

The other thing that my priest reminded me of is that God will provide emotionally as well as otherwise. Openness to life does not necessarily mean that our gut reactions will always be positive. It is how we allow our mindset to develop after that reaction that determines our openness. Do we dwell on our hurt feelings, or do we let go and allow God to reveal His plan? That is part of the struggle that openness to life entails.

I have to say that a few months later, things are better. Everything in family life ebbs and flows. It is this process that forces us to realize that we cannot do it alone, and that we need God in our lives every day. And I have never met Rachel, but she inspires me to think that for us, we too will be ready someday in the future to welcome another blessing into our lives, with the ongoing help of God's grace.